I know I have shared the story of mine and Dan's journey through infertility multiple times. However, I can't help but share it again as each day I look at my son and remember afresh what a miracle he is!
Two years ago, Dan and I decided that it was the right time for us to start a family. We began trying for that in March of 2009. I naively thought that because I had good “genes” for child bearing that it would happen quickly. As the months passed, my faith was beginning to be tested in ways that I couldn’t possibly imagine and I grew increasingly anxious. I talked to my doctor on numerous occasions asking him if something was wrong and when could we run tests to find out if there was a problem. He assured me that it takes the average couple 6 months to 1 year to conceive. When there was still no baby after a full year, he finally ordered some tests to be done to determine if there were any problems. It was quickly found that there were some serious problems. We were told by three different doctors that our chances of having a child “naturally” without medical intervention were less than 2%. We were told that the only way for us to get pregnant was through invitro-fertilization (IVF). We were so unprepared for this news.
I would love to say that my faith and trust in God grew stronger through this but instead it sent me into a tailspin of despair. Feelings of betrayal, guilt, and fear became my constant companions. I continually raged against God with questions of why are You letting this happen and how can You be a loving, kind God if You are causing this to happen. I struggled with trusting that God was in control of this situation, that He had a perfect plan in place, and that He truly desired to give me good things!
The months passed and I slipped further and further into depression. Dan tried, to the best of his ability, to help me through this but I pushed him and everyone else away. How could anyone understand how I was feeling? I felt alone and scared for the future. At times, I truly thought that our marriage wouldn’t make it through this trial. We were on such different pages of what should be done and when. It’s weeks of expensive testing, medications, and procedures and in the end we could still end up with no baby. Eventually, we approached members of our church family with the situation, hoping that by telling others we would be encouraged and gain some helpful advice. We met with one of the pastors in our church and his wife for counseling to help us through the issues this was bringing into our marriage. I started meeting with another woman in our church for some one on one counseling. We also shared this with several of our immediate family members. Thanks to their godly counsel, and many of your prayers and support, we were finally able to make progress.
In early February, we went on a much needed vacation. During this time we had an opportunity to focus on our marriage and the future. While we were there, having prayed and asked God for wisdom, we decided together to wait 3 more months before pursuing IVF treatments. During those three months, we committed to daily read Scripture together, pray and ask God to work a miracle, and do our best to trust Him. We knew this would not be easy but Dan felt it was the right process to take before doing IVF and I was willing to follow his lead in this decision (even though I was more than ready to do IVF). We committed to praying God's Word and promises back to Him. We would regularly pray "Now unto Him that is able to do exceedingly above what we ask or think" (Ephesians 3:20-21) and “Rejoice in the Lord always…be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:4, 5-7). Over the next month we took time everyday to do this. Just over a month later, at the end of March, we found out that God truly had worked a miracle! We were pregnant (and it was natural)!! What a shock when we found out. God was merciful to us and provided a child...He truly did exceedingly above what we thought possible!
While we did not understand what God was doing, He had a plan for our lives. When we first started trying, we were planning for a late October/early November due date so that I would be off for the holidays. We also really wanted a boy first. Through two years of trying, tears, and prayers, the Lord gave us both the things we had originally “planned” on. The Lord promises in Psalm 84:11 that “no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.” Also, in Jeremiah 31, He promises to “turn their mourning into joy;…comfort them, and give them gladness for sorrow.” Oh, how He loves us and fulfills His promises to us! Our sweet little boy joined our family thanks to the unfailing love of the Lord!!
During the holiday season while we celebrated the miraculous birth of our son, we couldn't help but reflect on the true reason for Christmas. The miraculous birth of Jesus Christ, who came to earth to die on the cross to pay for our sins, is the ultimate display of God’s love to us. We are thankful that God loved us so much He sent His Son to give us eternal life.
Stay tuned for more on how I found out that we were pregnant...
